Back on the roller coaster

So we are back on the roller coaster again.... the decision has been made and it feels great, scary, troublesome…. But for some strange reason it doesn’t feel hopeless. During our last IVF:s that was the most overwhelming feeling.

The feeling of hope remains inside me, but it’s not that strong yet and I am not accustom to it. I don’t dare look into the future… not yet.
For the moment I just take on step at a time and look where it leads me.

The first step is in about three weeks. We are going to a new clinic. We have decided that we don’t trust our old clinic any more; basically because they don’t listen to us and take us seriously. Since we pay the bill that is the least they can do, but obviously they don’t think like that. So our trust and our money are going somewhere else.

We discovered rather early that our fertilization rate was very low. The clinic had a hunch that it was hard for the little guys to penetrate the egg shell. Well that sounded reasonable, so our last IVF (#4) we said we wanted to go for ICSI. The clinic said no, and stated that there was no medical evidence that the egg couldn’t be penetrated. After a long discussion we settled on half to ICSI and the other half to a traditional IVF. We had eight eggs, the ICSI:s fertilized, but none of the IVF:s. I feel like they cheated us on what could have been four great embies. So we decided to change clinic.

The last couple of month we have been shopping for a new clinic. An interesting shopping list, not the usual weekend stuff ;-)

• Are you going to let us choose ICSI?
• Are you taking miscarriages seriously
• What does your protocol looks like?
• Do you believe in the possibility of immune issues?
• Are you supporting our need for extra hormones during the luteal phase?

The questions seemed endless and sometimes I feel like I know more about IVF protocols than most of the consultants I have talked to.
We finally found a clinic saying something very close to what we want to here. In about three weeks we are going for a first meeting. If they thought the first list was long…. ;-)